Hero Bonus Chapter

Lydia

 

            “Which is exactly why the kids and I didn’t join Colby and his family in Maui for his sister’s wedding,” I say defensively into the telephone, trying to keep myself from shouting. “I’m purposefully taking it very, very slowly for the kids’ sakes, Michelle. Of course, I am. Frankly, I’m offended by the suggestion that I’m being ‘reckless’ with respect to my relationship with Colby. To the contrary, I think I’ve handled it very responsibly.”

            But my mother-in-law simply won’t listen to reason. She’s alternately screaming and sobbing on the other end of the line, the same way she’s been doing for the past ten minutes, even since I broke the news to her that I’ve fallen in love with a beautiful man named Colby Morgan. A heroic firefighter whom I met when he was on the brink of death after trying to save a baby. A man who loves me and treats my children with unfailing tenderness and kindness. A truly lovely man with a truly lovely family, all of whom have unequivocally embraced my three kids at every turn. 

            But Michelle simply won’t be soothed, no matter what I say. Indeed, as the phone call has gone on, Michelle has become more and more livid. Disbelieving. Hysterical. And worst of all, accusatory. And it’s been downright horrific.

            For the love of fuck, I knew my mother-in law would have a negative reaction when I told her about Colby. That’s why I didn’t want to tell her about him at all. But I’ve been worried one of the kids might mention Colby during one of their weekly phone calls with Grandma and Grandpa, and I figured Michelle learning about Colby that way would be a whole lot worse for everyone involved than having her calmly hear the full story from me on my own terms. And so, I pulled up my big-girl panties and placed the anxiety-inducing phone call. Yes, I fully expected Michelle to express some negative emotions about the news, including but not limited to the following: shock, defensiveness, fear, worry, skepticism. Maybe even some twisted sort of betrayal. But I was also hoping my mother-in-law would surprise me by responding to my joyous news with at least a glimmer of kindness, too. At the very least, I was hoping she’d express a genuine wish for the kids and me to find happiness, in whatever form that might take. 

            Of course, for me to hope for anything remotely positive from her seems stupid and naïve now, considering how fucking ballistic she’s gone during this entire call, but I guess I was hoping maybe, just maybe, Michelle would sense, through me, how genuinely good Colby is. And that perhaps, even through her hurt and fear and pain, she’d trust my heart and judgment and loyalty enough to know I’d never, ever betray Darren or the life and love we shared. I was hoping she’d know, at the end of the day, that I’d never bring anyone into my children’s live I wasn’t absolutely positive about. That I’d only pick a man for them and for me who is unfailingly worthy of following in Darren’s mammoth footsteps. 

            “Lydia?”

            It’s a new voice on the other end of the line. A male voice. My father-in-law, John.

            “I’m here,” I choke out between tears.

            “Honey,” he says as Michelle continues to wail in the background. “I’m going to have to hang up now. Michelle isn’t handling this news very well.”

            Yeah, no shit, I thinkBut what I say is,“Yeah, I’ve gathered that.”

            “Don’t take it personally,” John says, sounding distressed. “Michelle has been having a particularly hard time recently. She feels like everyone else is moving on and living their life like nothing happened and she just can’t do it. It’s hard for her to think that you of all people can dust off your knees and move on and—”

            “What?” I shout, suddenly enraged. “I haven’t ‘dusted off my knees, John!’ And I certainly haven’t ‘moved on’! I’ll never forget Darren. I’ll never stop loving him, not ‘til the end of time! But Darren would want me to find love again. There’s not a doubt in my mind about that. John, you need to explain it to her: I can love them both. And I do.”

            There’s a very long pause. Finally, my father-in-law says, “Michelle will never understand that, Lydia.” His voice breaks. “And, honestly, I’m not sure I can understand it, either.” 

            I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. The air in my lungs leaves me, all at once. 

            So, there it is. My hunch was right. Darren’s parents expect me to remain alone. Forever.

            John exhales. “Look, honey. Michelle just needs some more time. This is just happening too fast for her. Maybe one day in the distant future, if things wind up working out for you and . . . this firefighter of yours, she might possibly come around. Slowly. Over time. You just need to give her time, okay? Maybe take things extra slow with the firefighter to be extra respectful of Michelle’s feelings. Probably a good idea, regardless. There’s no need to rush anything here, Lydia.”

            “It’s been three years,” I mutter. But, suddenly, I have no further desire to defend or explain myself. No need to seek his or his wife’s approval. Indeed, out of nowhere, serenity washes over me. I clench my jaw. Wipe my cheeks. All of a sudden, I have full clarity about this situation. I called Darren’s parents out of courtesy, basically. In an attempt to be loving and respectful. But I don’t need their approval to love Colby. Frankly, when it comes to my love for Colby, their opinion is literally meaningless to me. The only people whose opinions matter with respect to The Love Story of Colby and Lydia are my kids, Colby, and me. I clear my throat. “I think you’ve misunderstood the purpose of me calling you about this,” I say evenly. “I’m not asking for permission to love Colby. I already do. I mean no disrespect to you or Michelle here—and certainly none to Darren, either. Please understand: I love Darren as much in this moment as I ever did. But when it comes to my relationship with Colby and how slowly or quickly things will progress with us, my kids and me—and Colby—are the only people whose opinions matter in the slightest.”